All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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