Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
