I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
