Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
did i just pee glitter
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
