My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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