vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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