so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
should my penis look like a turkey
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
