Soap is not a condiment
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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