We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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