I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
