You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
