wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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