My room smells like vodka and shame
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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