He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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