I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
