Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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