Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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