I wish I could teleport
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
