hell yes lets make some ravioli
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
