morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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