Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
