I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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