Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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