Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're too hungover to prance.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
