According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
