Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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