my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
