i just had sex bonerless
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
