Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
