so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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