i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
