My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
