A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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