How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
