would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
