His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
