apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
