So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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