3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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