I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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