forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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