How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
