dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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