she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
