K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
