speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
