it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
