Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
