Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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