We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
how does that bad decision feel?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
