Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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