we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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