She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
