But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
