Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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