i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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