shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
