ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
