You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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