don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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