Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You know, be my cock's hype man.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
