he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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