we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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