so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
