Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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